Sunday, June 19, 2011

Our First Father's Day (Part 2)

This is the second part of a two part post co-written by Clark's Dad and Alejandra's Dad. | ... Part 1

Alejandra's Dad:
Like a couple of my buddies and especially Clark's Dad, this is my first 'Father's Day' being on the receiving end. I woke up to a quiet house (Alejandra slept in, my #1 most awesome Father's Day present), and I had a chance to check the social media feed for my business.  I figured the obligatory 'Happy Father's Day' message would be a good way to maintain traffic, but as I sat there laptop open I realized the meaning behind those three little words.  So I wrote the phrase: "To those that have earned it: Happy Father's Day!"

You see, this morning I had a moment to reflect on the past 7 months of me being a Dad.  I realized that even though it may be my 'rookie card' Father's Day; there are many father's being recognized for decades of dedication to the craft, it is a moment to realize that being a Father is much more than a primal grunt at the right time of the ovulation cycle.  It is a daily dedication to love, support, discipline, encourage, inspire and love some more.

As a sign of the times, social media has allowed us to share with the world what before was perhaps shared in a card privately or among immediate family. Now, I can read the sentiments of many of my friends about their Dads. Old, young and in between.  I  can sense the ones that may have had a good relationship with their father, a  temporarily rocky one, or none at all.  I can then make make inferences on how important my role is in Alejandra's life and how it may impact her personality and future relationships.  I mean... I am the father of a little girl... if she grows up to have 'daddy issues'... that's on me!  No pressure.

A half-hour after I woke, Alejandra woke up and her mom brought her out to wish me a Happy Father's Day.  Coincidentally, yesterday was the day Alejandra decided to have her first 'baby monologue'.  The moment when she started stringing together baby sounds and mumbles followed by uncontrollable laughter!  She started this morning in similar manner, babbling and babbling and smiling... and I realized that the house would probably never be quiet again....(and I was happy) until she left for college...(and I was sad).

So, to all the Dad's out there: Happy Father's Day!  To those that earn it: every, single, day.

   | ... Part 1

     - Alejandra's Dad

Our First Father's Day

This is the first part of a two part post co-written by Clark's Dad and Alejandra's Dad. | Part 2

Happy (first) Father's Day
Clark's Dad:
Today is my first Father's Day as a dad.  It is also the first Father's Day that ever meant anything to me.  My father was not around (much) when I was growing up.  He then died in a car accident before I finished high school.

I saw my dad as many times as I have fingers on my one hand.  So I've never had a father figure guide my path into manhood or fatherhood, except on TV.  I'm pretty sure that's what inspires me to be a really active father to Clark.  I guess I try to be the father to him that I always wanted.  That's also probably why I have a blog dedicated to how real life and fatherhood differs from from what you see on the screen.

This year I found myself asking for the first time, "Hey, when is Father's Day?"  I assume most people know the answer. I mean, everyone knows when Mother's Day is.   Father's day was once a reminder of what I didn't have, now it's a celebration of what I do have, my son Clark.


When I first went to write this post I grabbed Clark and figured I'd write with one hand, while the reason for the season sat on my lap.  In real life, not TV, it didn't workout like I'd pictured it.  At 8 weeks old he wasn't that interested.  He preferred to go back to sleep in his baby swing and poop his diaper.  Well, that was until he got hungry.

Friday, June 17, 2011

How I'd Breast Feed, If I Was a Mom

In Breast Feeding Is Magic, I started talking about breast feeding.  I continue that discussion here:

The most frequent question at my house is, "Why is Clark crying?" The answer is almost always "because he's hungry."  The follow-up question is "is he getting enough milk? He just ate!"

Doctors and nurses have told us the only good indicators of an infant's health are 1) is the baby gaining weight, 2) is the baby pooping enough, 3) is the baby peeing enough (and what color), and finally, 4) no fever.  Well, even with his spitting up, and crying and growth spurts, check, check, check and check.

Clark's putting on weight pretty well (from 8 lbs 4oz to 13 lbs in 7 weeks).  He's pooping and peeing plenty (diaper companies are happy about that I'm sure.) And finally, no fever. So he's doing well. He must be getting enough milk to grow big and strong.


My wife is more of a trooper than I am or would be.  Convinced of the superiority of breast milk over formula, Clark's mom has chosen to breastfeed.  Clark used to eat every two hours.  So Clark's mom could maybe catch 2 hours of continuous sleep once in a while.  Recently, he must of snuck (not a real word, blah blah blah) one of my Men's Health Magazines and read the articles about eating smaller meals to boost metabolism while increasing muscle gain.

Clark now gets hungry pretty much every 60 minutes and the boy is getting big.  That means if his poor mother is trying trying to sleep, she still has to wake up every hour to feed him.  Bless her soul, I couldn't do it.  I try to take him off her hands and let her try to get some sleep, but I can only do that if there is some pumped milk in the fridge.


If I was breast-feeding, I'd just pump and feed the baby from a bottle.  Much like formula, that would free me up to occasionally get a good night's sleep.  All the benefits of breast milk with the flexibility of formula bottle feeding.  However, I understand that a certain bonds develops within the intimacy of breast-feeding between mother and baby.  Not being a milk producer myself, I can only admire that bond.  I do think my wife wouldn't mind trading that bond in temporarily for a few hours of sleep.

     - Clark's Dad

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Breast Feeding is Magic


Breast feeding resembles magic, not illusion, slight of hand or misdirection, actual magic.  This is mostly because of the black box that is a woman's breast.  Basically, you can't see what's going on in there.  Milk just appears.  You don't really understand how they work, they just do.  They didn't used to have milk in them, now they do.  One day they won't anymore. Ta-Da!!!

As far as breast-feeding goes, the problem is that there is really important information that is unavailable to you:

How much milk is in there?
How long does it take to refill?

and most important:
How much milk did the baby just drink?

With bottle feeding you get all of this information.

Sometimes Clark cries like he's starving and hasn't been fed all week, when he's just eaten ten minutes ago.  Clark's Mom doesn't know if he just hasn't gotten any milk (is there any milk in there?) or just hungry again, maybe a growth spurt.  It's so frustrating.  Sometimes when this happens, I'll offer him some pumped milk in a bottle.  Sometimes he'll chug it down like a starving baby in the desert, other times, he turns it down (no thanks, I'm not hungry) -  Why are you crying, then?! Why you cryin'?

It would be awesome if mother's breasts were transparent or had gauge like the gas tank in your car.  Unfortunately, they don't.  It's just magic. The milk just comes out and your baby (yes, your baby, not you dad) drinks until he stops.  But did he stop because he was full or because the pump was empty.  Does he need a burping?  Arrrgggghhh!



     - Clark's Dad

Monday, June 13, 2011

Could SIDS Be a Fraud?

Before Clark was born I tried to find some books on fatherhood to prepare myself for the ordeal. There aren't a lot of good or interesting books on fatherhood.  Moms get all the good books. The best I read was by Michael Lewis, yes the guy who wrote Moneyball and Liar's Poker.   His Home Game: An Accidental Guide to Fatherhood was a great read and included plenty of learning from his screw ups, fatherhood advice, and directions.

One thing that really stood out was his suggestion that SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) was merely used to cover for parents who murdered their infants. That can't be, can it?

Sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) is the unexpected, sudden death of a child under age 1 in which an autopsy does not show an explainable cause of death.

Really, that's the best they can do?  It sounds like something out of a sci-fi movie. I'm not really a sci-fi guy, but I've watch hundreds if not thousands of hours of reality crime TV (think: TruTV and Discovery ID).  I'm not saying I agree with Lewis, but let play devil's advocate.  Let's look at things a little differently.  Let's look at things from a potential murderer's perspective?
 

Friday, June 10, 2011

Having a Baby Will Change You (Whether You Want It To or Not).


After you see your child come into the world, you think you're still the same person you were the day before.  You are not. You're a different person.  You probably will not even notice the changes right away.

In my case, I first noticed a change as  I was driving to a local "big box store." It's about a mile away. Clark was in the back of the car in his car seat. I noticed distinctly that I was driving differently.  I was driving much more cautiously and patiently.  Those aren't bad things, just not the way I drive*. Patience is not my forte.  Even with a crying baby behind me, I wasn't in my usual rush to get anywhere fast.

When I got to the parking lot, I found myself waiting for people to finish crossing in the crosswalks out front. That does not sound like me.  The old me would try to get through the crosswalk, meandering around and between the lallygaggers. I hate waiting for people in the crosswalk who aren't paying attention to what's going on around them.

I parked, settling for a space much farther away than I would have normally settled for on the first pass. I got out of the car and grabbed lil' Clark in his infant carrier.  I headed towards the front of the store and the previously mentioned crosswalk.  With baby in tow, I was cautious and conscientious: waiting for traffic to stop in both directions before proceeding.  My old babyless method more closely resembled the 80's video game Frogger

None of these changes were intentional nor conscious in the least, though maybe they should have been.  I guess it's just part of the transformation into a parent, responsible for a family and the life of a new human being.

      - Clark's Dad

*Don't get me wrong.  I'm not a bad or careless driver.  I'm pretty awesome actually.  I pay more attention to what other drivers and pedestrians are doing than they do to themselves.  It allows me to accurately anticipate their moves and make the decision that gets me from A -> B fastest.  I'm always thinking and analyzing while I'm driving.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Thankful for the Noises Babies Make


I wrote this on Clark's first night home (04/23/2011):
I sit here with my baby boy on the second night of his life.  This time at home, no hospital, no nurses. His mom is trying to get some sleep before her ravenously hungry son needs to nurse again.  I'm so happy for all the strange little noises he makes while he sleeps.

The idea of SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) is the scariest thing in the world to most new parents.  You worry that one moment your child is alive, you turn your head and he's dead.

On Clark's first night home I laid him down for the first time in his crib.  I proceeded to turn off the lights and try to get some sleep.  Lying there in darkness and silence, I was scared as hell.  I couldn't see or hear my child.  What if SIDS got him already?!  I better check. No, I better stand guard!   Then it happened, Clark's little body started making noises as he slept, letting me know he was alive.  When I turned the lamp on, I noticed he was like a ventriloquist.  The sounds came from his mouth, but his lips never moved.  Thanks goodness for the noises babies make.


     - Clark's Dad


 

Monday, June 6, 2011

The Power of Anticipation

I appreciate Clark's Dad not firing me from my 'co-blogger' position just yet. Like many things in life, as I sit here pondering whether I had 'time' to write things down it dawned on me that suddenly I have a 6 month old baby! And that baby is growing up SUPER fast.  If I don't take a moment every now and then to write some stuff down, I might live one of the greatest lines from Ferris Bueller:


So.. it is with appreciation and action to my thoughts that I share this little ditty:

Two days ago, I witnessed Alejandra discover the concept of 'anticipation'. Now, I realize she has NO idea what the word 'anticipation' means, nor how to spell it, nor how to use it in a sentence. However, she does know how to experience it. What an amazing concept this is.... let me explain...

Looking Back at Becoming a Father: ... Labor

Written One Month Ago: 

My daughter Alejandra is 5 months old plus a few days. I thought this would be a good time to reflect back on the experience of her arrival. In reality, this is pretty much about how time has flown by since I had a moment to sit and reflect, let alone try and write it down.


Thinking of how things are not 'quite as seen on TV'...let me start with the 'Labor' portion of the experience. This is a term that often gets thrown around to describe the process of childbirth. Now, before you experience it (from the Dad perspective, for purposes of this blog; Ladies, there are ample descriptions of your experiences out there), you hear the term, you associate it with other 'labor' terms such as mowing the lawn, washing the car, laying bricks, you know.. 'labor... stuff that requires work and involves using your hands. All I can say is that it certainly requires work... but not so much on the Dad's part. Labor on TV lasts a few seconds, and culminates with a baby sliding out into the world, every now and then the mother screams a few expletives and the never-gets-old line of "you did this to me!"

Let me share how it went down for me:
Apparently, there are various types of 'labor pains' that a woman can experience. My wife had what we determined to be 'back labor'. This means, that in addition to the feeling of trying to hold back the world's largest bowel movement, your back spasms as if you were hit from the back by an NFL defensive back as you left your feet to make a grab for a high post-route pass.

I say the following with utmost sincerity and admiration: To the ladies who undergo this experience without any medication or 'au-natural': my hat is off to you, and you are indeed the stronger sex and deserving of some sort of medal or public recognition for your valor and strength.

Newborn Baby Football

Go Dad! Go!
Here's a new dad analogy: think of yourself as a running back and your newborn as a football (though unlike mine, yours may not be brown).
  • Protect the ball - you'll want to secure the ball with two hands.
  • Feel free to stiff arm anyone who tries to handle your baby without washing their hands (sorry, doctors' orders!)
  • No kicks, punts, or throws - as guys we love to throw and kick things (beers, keys, balls, almost anything).  Don't toss the baby!
  • Do not put the ball on the ground.  
  • Do not turn the ball over (onto its stomach) to sleep.
  • Sometimes you have to go out for a pass (or groceries or other errands).
  • Protect the passer (wife/mother of your child/ren).
  • Sometimes you need to carry the ball more to take pressure of the passer.
  • If you're an experienced veteran, mentor a rookie. Make the world a better place.

The best running backs in football don't just run with the ball, they're multifaceted - double/triple threats.  When they do run the ball, they protect it and don't lose it.  That sounds like a good start to being a good dad.


   - Clark's Dad

Quick Tip for Parents with Babies That Spit Up

Here's a tip I received from Alejandra's Dad:

Clark, like many newborns, is prone to spitting up.  The sphincter between the stomach and the esophagus is immature and lets food move back up the esophagus during digestion. Most babies grow out of it.  To help: you can place the baby's crib on a slight angle (say put a couple of books under one end.) It should help the baby keep his food down when laying in his crib. Thanks, gravity.


     - Clark's Dad

Sunday, June 5, 2011

They Will Congratulate the $&@# Out of You

Congratulations, again!
From the moment the mother of your child pees in a cup at the OB/GYN's office and the doctor or a nurse declares her officially pregnant until ... ,well I'm not sure because I haven't gotten that far yet, everyone one you come in contact with while in the company of your pregnant wife or infant child will congratulate you - over and over.   The OB/GYN will congratulate you 5-10 times before you leave her (or his) office the first time, and at least once per visit after that.  The sonogram tech* will congratulate you. Every staff person you pass on the way out will congratulate you. 

Whether it's a trip to Babies 'R Us, Home Depot or your favorite fast food restaurant, a nurse, baggers or fry technician, this trend continues.  The world loves babies and congratulating people having them.  For obvious reasons this frequency will increase the more pregnant the woman appears, maxing-out around the day you take your baby home.  Clarky's six weeks old now and the waitress at Red Lobster and eight fellow patrons at the Feast Buffet congratulated me/us/my wife on the baby this week.

I'm not complaining. It's not a bad thing. It's just something to be aware of and adjust your expectations as father and father-to-be.  It does get old fast.  I think one congratulation per person per day is plenty.  The repetition is what starts to get to you.  The same person congratulating you for the third time that day, just seems insincere. 


     - Clark's Dad


*Our sonogram tech totally loved her job and thought pictures of 6 week old embryos were the cutest thing in the world, even though she looked at probably a hundred per day.  She also spoke in a high-pitch baby talk like voice.  She definitely picked the right job.  If you're a fan of Scrubs, she was a dead ringer for the super-chipper OB/GYN resident that helped Jordan deliver her baby, when the mack-daddy suite and her regular doctor was unavailable.


 

Friday, June 3, 2011

Contractions Starting! Don't Go for that Walk!

Don't Walk!

I've watched a lot of TV in my day.  The idea of having a woman who is having contractions take a walk to move things along when the delivery process is stalled is pretty recent for television.  Ricky never suggested Lucy take a walk around the block or laps around the maternity ward while having contractions. Dr. Huxtable never suggested that to a patient. The "Baby Delivery Stroll" concept spread with the proliferation of the "Delivery My Baby Story" genre.

Women (and men, myself included) watched these shows and got the idea that women should take The Stroll to help expedite dilating the cervix.  This is probably related to the fact that hospitals will often send a woman experiencing contractions home if her cervix is dilated less than 5 or 6 inches.  Not wanting to go home and come back again, mothers and TV producers look to find a way to hurry things along.

Does it work? Maybe.  That time would be better spent resting.  Her doctor will give her parameters and directions on when to head to the hospital. It's not called "labor" as a euphemism.  It can be very long and tiring.  So if a woman can get some rest before pushing time, she will be in a much better disposition. Going for a walk will just expend much needed energy.  Nature and probably Pitocin will handle the time of delivery.

I was lucky enough to learn from our baby delivery class that if a pregnant woman tells you she is feeling contractions tell her, "Relax! Try to get some rest! It could be a long night!  You're going to need your energy!"

     - Clark's Dad



 

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

My Baby Has a Hairy Back and Comb-Over

For the biblical types it's the idea of "dust to dust (Genesis 3:19)" or for the literary types the underlying theme of Flowers for Algernon.  My son looks a lot like the old man he'll regress to one day.  He has a hairy back (lanugo), a whispy baby comb-over, a baby milk gut, a toothless grin, a diaper, and can't remember where he put his glasses even though they're on top of his head.  Ok, he doesn't wear glasses, but if he did ...   One day little Clarky is going be to be all grown up.

 



     - Clark's Dad