We've Been Nominated

  

My Dad Experience has been nominated for Most Valuable Blogger (MVB) in the Lifestyle & Family Category.

The contest is sponsored by the local Las Vegas CBS affiliate (KLAS) and News Radio KXNT 100.5 FM.  So if you have a moment to spare, we'd appreciate your support. Vote here.

Voting is now closed. Thanks for your support.

-The Dad

Reflections on the World My Son Was About to Enter

Just before and just after my son Clark's birth, I had several encounters with strangers that left me wondering what I should or would do in a similar situation in the future.  There were three encounters and each involved a vagrant or panhandler.

The first incident occurred a few weeks before Clark's birth.  Clark's Mom and I were walking down the Las Vegas strip on a warm Spring Sunday morning.  Clark's mom was obviously showing at 9 months pregnant.  She was wearing a custom t-shirt with our last name on the front and mommy on the back with a number like a softball jersey.  We walked pass a woman on the sidewalk with her young daughter beside her.  She was holding a sign (with wording I can't remember) and panhandling.  

My wife was greatly disturbed by the encounter. She told me that she felt bad flaunting her pregnancy with the t-shirt, while another woman was so desperate as to panhandle with here child at her side. I found the child being involved distasteful.  It didn't really bother me too much, as there was no direct contact and we had passed a number of other panhandlers on our walk.

Mere hours before Clark was born, my wife, in early labor, and I visited a certain big box retailer - O.K. "The Big Box retailer."  We were finishing last minute (literally) preparation of the nursery. As we exited the car, we were approached by a young woman holding a little girl. She then said, "Can i ask you a question?"  Coming from a stranger, I knew this conversation was not heading anywhere positive.  The question was, "Could I spare $5?"

The "Big Box Store" was in a pretty nice neighborhood, but starting at $5 was pretty ballsy for a panhandler.  They normally ask for spare change or maybe a dollar.  I responded that I didn't have any cash on me (because I don't usually carry any).  She then went on to solicit others in the parking lot.  As she walked away, I could hear the little girl had a bad hacking cough, but that's not what the woman was requesting assistance for.  It probably should have been.  I felt very bad for the little girl.  Admittedly, being directly accosted made the situation feel more personal. 

Distraction: King of Parenting Tricks

In my last post, I began a discussion of ways to outsmart your children.  I discussed "The Big Baby Bath" and now I'll get into "Distraction."

In my opinion, distraction is the king of parenting tricks.  It's a way to get a child (and even adults) to do what you want them to do or to stop doing what you don't want them to do.  According to Keyser Soze [the Usual Suspects], "The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist."  The greatest trick a parent ever learns is how to distract their children.

Here are a few examples:

1) I previously mentioned that I often use "The Big Baby Bath Theory" to accomplish cutting my son's nails.  If he's not already crying, my only option to keep it that way while cutting his nails is to distract him.  Usually, a pacifier will get the job done.  Same baby, same nails, same clippers - without the pacifier he's crying. With the pacifier, he could care less that I'm cutting his nails (and diverts far more attention to finding if that's Phineas and Ferb on the TV).

2) My son Clark is not a big fan of "Tummy Time (T-Time)." After a few minutes he'll start crying.  Since the "experts" say T-Time is so important, I needed to find a way to get him to put more time into it.  So, I distract the hell out of him.  There's plush toys, rattles, pillows, a motion activated music player, mirrors and of course his pacifier all on the mat with him for distraction.  He went from 2 or 3 minutes to about 30 straight minutes of T-Time with no tears.

3) Plan on taking young children on a long car trip?  You better bring iPods, smart phone apps, portable DVD players, coloring books and anything else you can think of that will keep them distracted in the back seat. Distractions will keep the cabin of the car free of "I'm bored" and "Are we there yet?"

Two Degrees vs. One Baby. Am I Smarter Than an Infant?

No relation to "The Family Freud"

I have an MBA and an undergraduate degree in Psychology.  In an effort to feel that I got my money's worth, I sometimes use some of the theories I learned and apply them to real life situations. Lately, I have tried a few out on my son Clark.  My two favorite tricks ... errr!!! ... theories to use are 1)  the "Big Baby Bath" - my own version of the "Big Bath Theory*" and "Reverse Positive Reinforcement" and 2) distraction, which I'll describe in a future article.

The former goes something like this: Clark starts to cry for whatever reason.  (Light bulb) Now is a good time to do things to him that are necessary, but that he doesn't like, things that usually make him cry.  Why?  Because he's already crying.

E.g., Clark starts crying, let's say he's hungry.  While the milk is warming up, it's now a great time to cut his nails.  What's he gonna do? Cry? Too late.  I figure this strategy will work when he gets older as well.  It should cut down on whining and wise-assery as he reaches those tween years.  Picture this, "Daaaad, it's so unfair that I have to rake all the leaves in the backyard.  You're right, son.  By the way, you need to clean the gutters and finish your homework too."  

He was going to cry or complain about each of those things individually, why not get all the crying and whining out of the way in one shot?

Which Mom Knows Best: Yours or Your Child's?

I know more about babies than you!!!

There is no more epic battle that a new dad will find himself than an "un-Civil" War between a new mom and her mother-in- law.  Altercations between a new mom and her mother can also be "un-Civil", but the dad won't be caught in the middle.  In fact if he knows what's good for him, he better always stand behind his wife in skirmishes with her mother.  However, when shots are fired between the woman you married and the woman who raised you, it's going to get pretty uncivilized and quick.  No time more so than when it come to how to take care of a newborn baby.

Here's the context:  Grandma has raised at least one child (dad) or more to adulthood and believes she did a pretty good job of it.  Dad survived didn't he?  The problem is Grandma hasn't had to care for a baby for at least 20 years and things have changed. (E.g., newborns shouldn't sleep on their backs or have their skin exposed to sunshine at length, moms have the option to breast feed, use  formula or pump breast milk, etc.) Grandma may be more susceptible to old wives' tales and old world child rearing practices.

Your wife is probably a professional and well educated woman.  She is used to making independent decisions based on the latest medical facts and findings.  She's probably taken (and brought dad along) to several baby preparation classes.  So she may never have raised a baby before, but she has armed herself with latest and best practices and techniques.

Both Mom and Grandma want the best for baby, but have different paradigms and experiences.  If you (dad) are lucky, it is merely a difference of opinion.  If you are not, they may be playing out a power play with you and the baby caught in the middle dodging mortar shells.

I'm not sure have any suggestions to solve this dilemma.  My mom likes my wife more than she likes me, so I've never been caught between the two.

So if you're a dad in this situation, what to do? 
Suggestions?

     -  Clark's Dad