Why Are Baby Farts So Funny?

I'm not usually one for fart or scat humor, but the sounds that come out of my infant son's butt are shocking and hilarious to me.  I can't explain why I find them so funny.  Maybe because he sounds more like a gassy truck driver than an innocent newborn baby.

          - Clark's Dad


 

Can I Have my Baby Now? ... Please!

Keep your eyes on the Catcher

If you've watched any of those "Deliver My Baby Story" type shows on television, you will probably expect your messy, dare I say alien-like* baby to makes his entry into the world and be given directly to his mom to be fawned over.  If so, you are probably going to be very disappointed, like I was. 

In my case, Clark came out and the Catcher** (or OB/GYN) caught him and I got to cut the cord.  The doctor then turned into a QB and handed him off to a nurse, like Drew Brees to Reggie Bush (Update: 07/29/11 - Reggie has taken his talents to South Beach).  Clark was taken to the other side of the room by the nurse Bush, measured (length and head size), weighed (8 lbs. 4 oz.), tested (temperature and baby blood pressure), tagged (ankle bracelets - plural), foot printed and then placed under the baby heat lamp (just like a basket of french fries).

I followed and kept a watchful eye on my baby.  What if they tried to steal him or switch him for another baby (I've probably watched too many movies)?  I stood there watching all of this go on for about 30 agonizing minutes. I wondered the whole time, "Are you going to give me my beautiful baby now?!  How about now?!"  Finally, they gave him to me and I took him over to meet his mommy again for the first time.

          - Clark's Dad


*Yes,  your baby will probably look pretty disgusting upon entering the world.  He or she will be covered in goo and/or white stuff called vernix.   Baby's been in a tight wet place for 9 months, then squeezed out of a fairly narrow exit tunnel.  You'll still love him or her plenty, but don't be surprised if your first thought is "what is that?"

**That's pretty much describes what the OB/GYN does.  She (or he) comes in as the baby is that close to being out.  The OB then puts on his/her equipment, gets into position like Mike Piazza, Carlton Fisk or Jorge Posada (depending on how old you are) and catches the baby as it comes out. My wife, the nurse and I did the rest (I held a leg and cheered my wife on).

Why Don't Young Women Breastfeed?

I took a baby care class with my wife before Clark was born. There were about 10 couples in the class. Nine of the mothers in the class had chosen to breastfeed. Only one mother had chosen to forgo the breastfeeding entirely and go with formula. She was the youngest mother in the class by far (perhaps in her very early twenties at the oldest). I recently stumbled upon an MTV show entitled "16 and Pregnant". The mothers in the episodes I watched all fed their babies formula.

Once you get into prenatal health care and baby classes you are inundated with information on why breast milk is the best thing in the world for your baby. It is this golden serum that remedies everything from orthodontic problems, to allergies and childhood obesity*. Breastfeeding even revs up mothers' ability to lose pregnancy weight sooner and may increase the IQ of the child.

In fact breast milk is so impressive that the labels on containers of baby formula laud its benefits. Have you ever seen another product that declared its zero priced competitor a superior product?

Young mothers tend to be the least financially stable. Why pay for formula (which is far from cheap - @ $100/mo.) My philosophy is "Max Out the Free S#@t First." With this, plus all the benefits already mentioned why do young mother seem to not be on board with breast feeding?

             - Clark's Dad


*Facts from Medela Website (potentially biased, but well referenced and cited.)

The Travel System is for Dads, not Moms

First, what is a travel system?  A travel system is the combo package of infant car seat/carrier, infant car seat base, and compatible foldable stroller. 

So you're thinking that will be great for my wife to transport the baby.  Well, big guy, surprise, it's really meant for you.  When her OB/GYN releases the mother from the hospital, she's advised not to lift anything heavier than the baby for at least 6 weeks.  Clark was a big baby at 8 lb -  4 oz.  The average weight of an American newborn baby is 7.5 lbs.   I just weighed my infant carrier/car seat, it weighs about 8 lbs, the same as a gallon of water, a half pound more than the average baby or a quarter pound (4 oz.) less than Clark.  So, your baby + the baby carrier together are twice the weight new moms are supposed to carry.  So, guess who's going to be carrying the baby around in the carrier.  That's right, you, fellas.

The stroller isn't much better.  I haven't weighed the stroller, but I'm guessing it weighs around 10lbs+.  So, who is going to lift the stroller in and out of the car?  Not the new momma.  The strollers are foldable, but can still take up quite a bit of trunk space.  Even the best of the bunch can be a little tricky to open and fold-up.  So not a lot of new moms are up to the challenge.  So dads, you're it.  Consider it part of your fatherly duties.

Therefore, pick a travel system that you like, because you'll be the one using it, especially for the first month or two.  It's a dad accessory, feel from to as John Witherspoon would say, "CORWD-NATE" the travel system to dad's stuff.

         - Clark's Dad

Do They Check Your Carseat When You Leave the Hospital?

In every "Deliver My Baby Story" episode on television, there's the scene where dad is trying to figure out how to install the infant car seat at the last minute so that the family and new addition can head home.  According to television and every baby preparation class I took, the hospital will not release your baby until they check and determine that the baby seat is installed properly in your car.

Is this true?

Well, maybe.  In my personal experience, the answer was no.  Before my wife and baby were discharged, the nurse did ask if we had an infant car seat.  And we did. That was pretty much it.  Clark was born on Good Friday and we left the hospital the next day.  So, it was a Saturday and technically a holiday weekend.  A very young woman (too young to be a nurse) wheeled my wife and baby (in carrier) down to my awaiting car.  I inserted the carrier with baby into its base in the center of the backseat.  My wife then joined Clark in the back.  Then we drove home.  No one checked that the base or car seat were correctly installed.   Is this an anomaly, I don't know.  I've only had one baby.  I've never picked up any other newborn baby from the hospital.

Maybe it's just a scary story designed to scare new parents into putting in the effort to be prepared when a newborn is picked up from the hospital. I don't understand how you could not be prepared for leaving the hospital.  There is so much down time.  Why not peruse the manual or check your seat installation while your wife is feeding the baby or herself (food is usual available for moms, you have to fend for yourself).  As a dad, you're not really required, but usually appreciated.  A short absence by you to take care of the car seat will barely be noticed.

They Don't Do Circumcisions at the Hospital Anymore!

Whether you've seen it on TV or remember stories of your own circumcision, you probably think that baby circumcisions are performed at the hospital (brises excepted) before you leave.  Well not anymore.  Insurance companies decided it was cheaper to have them performed in the doctor's office.

Speaking of circumcisions, from the experience with my son, I wished they were still performed at the hospital.  At the time of his circumcision, my wife's milk had come in and the baby was starting to eat/poop/pee fairly regularly.  He was gaining weight and sleeping well.  All of that went out the window after the circumcision.

At that point you have no idea if your baby is hungry, wet, soiled, cold or just feeling the pain from his circumcision.  It will all run together because (it was explained to me by a lactation consultant) the breast milk has pain relieving something something in it.  The baby will suckle at the breast more than usual in an attempt to self medicate.  It would have been way better had this taken place sooner (at the hospital) than later (at the doctor's office).

This was the first time I made it to the  (S) - Sucker in PUBGEMS.  My son Clark wouldn't stop crying, even after being changed, fed and swaddled, even medicated (infant Tylenol).  I was not enamored with the idea of giving him a pacifier so soon.  The books were saying to wait until after the first month to introduce the pacifier.  Screw them.  At wits end, I removed the pacifier, given to us at the hospital, from its packaging and gave it to him.  He took to it like Pooh Bear to honey and slept through the rest of the night, as did I.


        - Clark's Dad

Product Review: Summer Soothing Spa and Shower Baby Bath

This is a product I knew I wanted to buy for my baby the second I saw it.  It's a baby bath spa.  What kid wouldn't love it?  I anticipated my soon to be born baby splashing around in the bubbles and giggling.  My wife and I received one as a gift at her shower.  I was smiling all day.

I couldn't wait to give my son his first bath.  Unfortunately, I would have to wait.  First, you have to wait for the umbilical cord to fall off.  They tell you it should only take a few days, but it will probably be at least a week, maybe two.  For a boy, you'll have to wait at least a week after the circumcision is performed.  It was about 2 1/2 weeks before I was finally able to see my son use his new bath & spa.

Review: Summer Soothing spa and shower baby bath - boy colors

The Spa and baby bath includes: a baby bath tub (plastic) that could stand separately, bath sling (for holding infants), and Spa pump with shower attachment.

My impression after finally using the baby spa and bath was very positive for the most part.


The Good:

• The tub - when a product is well designed, you take notice of the little details that you only value with experience.  Once such detail is the plug for draining the tub.  Postpartum  mothers are not supposed to lift anything heavy for the first six weeks.  A tub full of water would be over the limit, but the drain allows for moms to lift the emptied tub when they are done.  The tub is basic, but perfected. It's all you need in a baby bath tub.

• The bath sling - holds infants in place while their parents get them all clean.  It seems nice and cozy and provides ample support for the infant.