Quieting a Fussy Baby (Order of Operations)

Do you remember PEMDAS (or Please Excuse My Dear Aunt Sally) from high school or possibly grade school for you overachievers.  Parentheses, Exponents, Multiplication, Division, Addition and Subtraction (PEMDAS) is the Order of Operations or the order which to perform the various arithmetic in mathematical expressions [E.g., (9-4)+45/9^6].  Basically, the order to follow in finishing or solving an equations.

I've come up with a very similar concept for addressing crying or fussy babies - PUBGEMS - "Peel Up the Baby Giraffe Embroidered on My Shirt."

1. (P)oop                      
2. (U)rine                          
3. (B)oobie/bottle                 
4. (G)Gas                                       
5. (E)nvelop            
6. (M)otion                              
7. (S)Sucker                 

1) Poop:  I always smell my baby near the diaper area.  After only 3 days of changing diapers, I can smell a soiled breast-fed baby diaper from 100 ft away.  This step is first because it's the easiest and least intrusive.

2) Urine:  Check for urine or a wet diaper.   My son develops what looks like a baby cod piece when he wets his diaper.  It's kind of funny, but it's pretty good indicator that he needs to be changed. The diapers swells and gets squishy in the front.  This step is second, because it is easy, but slightly more intrusive than the smell test.


3) Boobie or Bottle:  Offer the breast or bottle - feed the baby.  My wife likes to offer this option first, probably because she is the milk producer.  I place this step third, mostly because I've noticed that my son does not breast feed well when it turns out he has a wet or soiled diaper (greatly frustrating my wife).  He'll spend forever nursing, but moments later will appear very hungry, as if he hasn't eaten.  So I always go with steps 1 AND 2 before going to 3.

4) Gas:  Burp the baby!  Clark will often have a very pained look on his face and begin screaming if he is not properly burped.  Sometimes he needs to be burped more than once after a feeding.

Steps 1 - 4 should cover you for 90% of all fussy baby incidents.

The last 3 are related to Dr. Harvey Karp's The Happiest Baby on the Block.

5) Envelope:  Swaddle the baby.  Being wrapped tightly reminds a newborn of her most recent home of nine months, the womb. To them this was a very comforting (though tight) place. Often this is enough to send your munchkin off to dreamland (especially with a full belly).

6) Motion:  Swing or Rock the baby.  You can hold the baby in your arms to rock them (old school style) or use a baby swing or rocking chair.  What baby doesn't like to be rocked?  However, you can't get much accomplished with both your hands holding your baby, that makes the swings a very convenient option.

7) Sucker:  Lastly, try giving your baby a pacifier.  The sucking can be very soothing, and you baby won't take it unless he/she wants it.


So remember PUBGEMS or "Peel Up the Baby Giraffe Embroidered on My Shirt".

          - Clark's Dad

Update (06/17): Clark is 8 weeks old now.  He only cries for two reasons now, both between his mouth and tummy.  He's either hungry or has tummy gas, but usually hungry.

Update (@ 8 mos): Clark cries when he's hungry and when he want to be held.