When You’re At The End of Your Rope

Here are some tips for when you’re absolutely at the end of your tether with your toddler. They were passed on to me by my mother, who watched my hopeless early attempts to get my son and his sister to co-operate when they were three and a half and two a half and respectively. Yes, one was just beginning the terrible twos and the other was just honing his skills. It was not a pretty sight, and I can’t say I handled it well. 

Just One Pair of Hands…

As a lone father I often got overwhelmed and frustrated with the kids, and my mother would always appear like an angel of peace. Before I knew it calm was restored and the kids would be curled up next to her happily listening to a story and dropping off to sleep. “How do you do that?” I asked, but never got a satisfactory answer. It’s just Grandparent magic. They just have to turn up. It’s quite annoying in some ways, as I could not replicate the calm atmosphere she brought, however much I tried. But crucially he visits were a great way to get some respite, even if it just meant I got a few hours to spend looking for the best cash isas. Family finances have to be done, and my Mom often gave me the breathing space to do paperwork when I wasn’t exhausted in the evening. Here are a few tips she did pass on, however, and they have all worked, especially when you’re at the end of your rope.

1. Chill – seriously. Just chill. It may seem like the most important thing in the world that you get your kid to finish that sandwich he asked for. But it isn’t. Really it isn’t. Don’t fight the small battles, keep a sense of humour and try to put yourself in the child’s place. Have you never taken something to eat that looked good and then found it wasn’t? Or that you just weren’t hungry? Imagine having a huge policeman stand over you and yell at you to finish it. No wonder my son got stressed with me. Just let it go, was my Mum’s advice. And she was usually right.
2. Shopping – your kids have fun all the time. Their primary goal in life is to have as much fun as possible, at all times. Work with that. If you can turn every chore into a game you’ll all get on much better. Get one to be in charge of the shopping list, get the other to spot things on the shelf. Talk to your child all the time and ask what they think to keep them engaged. Never give in to pressure to buy stuff in shops, but what’s wrong with giving them an apple to chew on the way round? Or a piece of bread? I remembered my mother tearing off a piece of crust from the bread as we shopped and it was a great treat. Don’t worry about giving them snacks when shopping – it can be deadly dull. Just make sure they’re healthy snacks.


3. Be kind when they’re tired – toddler’s brains have to take in so much information during the course of a day it’s no wonder they get exhausted. Make sure you end the day as early as you can so they don’t get over-tired. Let them rest with some tv and a plate of finger food which you prepare supper or a meal for yourself before their bath and bed time. Always tuck them up with a cuddle and a chat about the day, and if at all possible a bed time story. Be firm about them not getting up again. You can do gruff, uncommunicative Dad here. Put them firmly back to bed with no conversation. Evenings are for grown ups.


4. Tantrums – try to disconnect when your kid is in the throws of one of these. Don’t try and reason, don’t shout or chastise. They are totally beyond reach when in the throws of a tantrum and it is wasted effort to try and communicate. You just have to wait till it’s over. They can’t help it, it’s a psychological developmental phase and they should not be punished for it. It’s almost like having a weird seizure. Just wait quietly and patiently, restraining if necessary and the storm will pass. You’ll be a calm quiet place to go for a comforting cuddle when it’s all over.


5. Carry tissues at all times.


6. Carry a secret sweet with you in case of accidents. Sugar is known to be a highly effective pain reliever and comforter when accidents happen!


7. Enjoy your children – they’re little for such a short time and you’ll miss it when it’s over. Honest. Enjoy their trust of you, their innocence, their joy for life and their endless capacity for fun. They can teach you a lot. You just have to let it in.

                 - Clara Fox

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Clara Fox is a guest poster/contributor