Babies Don't Do That on TV

It's not like on me!

It has been nine months, and I harken back to the original theme of this blog:  Fatherhood is not like it's seen on Television.  I assume those babies you see on TV, in movies, and in commercials are extremely well-trained and possibly sedated freaks of nature. My baby behaves very differently.

For example (or por ejemplo for the Spanish speakers):

1. On TV, parents feed their baby and the baby faces forward (maybe even makes eye contact) and enjoys the baby bounty before her.  Not at my house.  My son sits in his high chair looking everywhere but forward.  I have to continually regain his attention (whistling, clicking, etc.) away from chomping on the tray of his high chair or the delicious label on his bib, mom walking by or any other kitchen distraction. He seems less interested in getting real food into his mouth (unless its something I'm eating). 


2. On TV, babies lie there and get their diapers changed (takes no time at all). Sure maybe there's a goofy smile or pee fountain for comedy, but they lie there for the duration. When I'm "trying" to change my kid's diaper, he is  trying to get away like an inmate that sees an unlocked exit door.  He's grabbing at everything: diapers (clean and dirty), wipes, lotion, or anything within reach of the changing table. He tries to turn over or stand up.  Where is he going? The most baffling aspect is that we've been through this hundreds of times over the past 9 months.  He knows exactly what is going to happen,  but he never makes it easy for me.  It's not medicine, son, it's a nice clean diaper.  Why do you fight it so?
3. On TV, babies cry and and a parent picks them up and plays with them.  The babies revel in the attention.  My baby cries or squeals for attention then when I go over to play with him or hold him, I get the Heisman and he squirms away to play. (Is he just checking to make sure I still love him and haven't forgotten about him?)


4. Babies on TV go outside cute and nicely dressed by their parents.  My son refuses to keep his socks on.  He's taking off the first one before I can get the second one on.  Sometimes I put little baby shoes on him, just so he can't take off his socks.  In the winter
   he takes off his hat and mittens.  He doesn't care how cold it is.  In the heat of Vegas summer, I couldn't let him roam around the house in just his diaper because he peels off the tape on his diapers, leaving him running around buck naked.   


5. My wife wanted me to include that babies on TV don't try to lick or steal their mommy's glasses right off her face. Does anyone on TV wear glasses anymore? Probably not since Raj on What's Happening!

Maybe my son just likes to mess with me? Or maybe he just likes to be free to pursue what is happiness in his baby mind.  God bless him.

     - Clark's Dad